This past Thursday, I had the opportunity to chat with a student who had become fairly heated towards a classmate. We’ll call her Amber. Amber and her friend had told another female student that she needed to leave the classroom because she wasn’t in that class (shocking in and of itself because Amber and her friend have frequently been found in classes they shouldn’t be in throughout the year). Well the boyfriend of this female student took exception to that and called Amber and her friend an unfortunate name which immediately escalated the situation. Anyway, after the students were separated and taking time to cool down, I sat down with Amber and asked her what had happen. Upon hearing her explanation, my initial response was “so what?” She looked at me like only an affronted middle school girl can. She responded by repeating what he called her and saying she doesn’t stand for that, and of course she was going to react, etc. My follow-up question was “and then what?” She didn’t know. I explained to her that while it wasn’t okay for the male student to use the language he had, she needed to be the one in charge of her reaction.
She still looked a little confused, so I asked her if she was what the guy had called her. Of course not.
I then asked her if him calling her that name changes her into what he called her. No.
I asked her what good she had done by escalating the situation. She didn’t know.
I then helped her see that the guy had only said what he did because he was mad at her for trying to get his girlfriend to leave and that he was seeking to offend her. Her reaction to the situation confirmed that he had succeeded and that in essence he had “won” by achieving his goals. We then talked about different scenarios in and out of school and situations that can be even further escalated and can cause future educational or legal consequences.
I drove home the point using a theme that is in The Book of Mormon. I told her that she needed to be someone that acts and not someone that is acted upon. In essence, “Amber” needed to learn to recognize situations when others were trying to control her and make those choices that would most greatly help her instead of allowing others to dictate where her life would go. This seemed to resonate with her. It will undoubtedly take time for her to fully implement this principle in her life, but I hope that it’s something she will reflect on.
Now what does this have to do with my weight loss efforts?
Every day, Monday – Saturday, I wake up at 3:00am to go to the gym to work out. It’s something that I started doing about a month ago (whereas before I’d go probably 3-4 times a week). When I hit my last plateau, I decided that I needed to make a full decision on the lifestyle change I wanted to make. Was it a sometimes change or a daily change. Even making that decision to change, though, there have been struggles. Earlier this week on Monday, I didn’t sleep much the night before and I doubted my ability to function well that day so I decided that I would go back to bed and do a Supernatural workout on my Oculus later that day. Thursday night (Thursday being the day I had the conversation with Amber) I also didn’t sleep well. Friday morning came around and I was still fairly tired when I woke up. I immediately had the thought that I could go back to sleep (again) and just do another Supernatural workout after work. But I also recognized that would be the second time in a week and I didn’t want to start slipping back to my prior activity habits.
You can see the fluctuation in my workout efforts from October-January
I sat on my bed having a bit of an internal debate going on back and forth. As I was having this debate, I thought about the part of my conversation with Amber and talking about things to act and things to be acted upon.
It was a bit of a revelation to me that I needed to apply this to myself. Was I in charge of the decisions I made based on what I wanted to achieve, or was I letting other things drive my choices away from what I wanted? Now don’t get me wrong. Rest is very important, especially when trying to lose weight. But in my mind, I separated resting and working out. This wasn’t a “my muscles are really hurting and if I go lift I might injure myself” type of a situation. This was a “I could go work out, but I also could just stay in my bed for a couple of more hours.” So bleary-eyed and yawning, I went and exercised. And honestly, Friday was a bit of a rough day to get through. But for me, who had gotten myself into the obesity predicament that I’m currently in because of not control my eating and laziness impulses, it was a victory. Like my student, there will be many more opportunities for me to choose to be someone who acts and not someone who is acted upon, so continuous reflection and remembrance will be needed. At least this time, I feel like I won a small battle.
And of course, I took a nap on Saturday to get some more of that needed rest…
