Most people have fears, even if we do our best to admit them. Admitting them feels like we give them power, so we keep them locked away in the recesses of our minds. For some it could be something akin to fear of snakes or spiders (love snakes, hate spiders). For others it’s loneliness or rejection. Many fear death. For me, I’ve realized that my greatest fear has dramatically impacted my ability to confidently move forward with weight loss. It’s also self-made.
My fear is failure. From the time I was in my early 20’s, my weight has taken an upwards trajectory. I did not weight until my late 30’s to decide that I wanted (needed really) to do something about my weight. I have done something every 30-40 pounds. You see, I’m in a cycle. And I know that many of you reading this and probably millions have faced this cycle. We start out exercising and dieting and we see success. We’re thrilled at that success! It motivates us!
But eventually, the success slows until we hit that formidable obstacle…
The Plateau
Suddenly, everything that has been working seems to stop. Even pushing your limits with the same efforts seem to yield little effect. This happened to me on at least four occasions that I can think of, and each one took its toll and participated in building up this fear that I have.
My fear of failure probably has a broader application to my life. But in this isolated section, it has an effect of paralysis on me. Why? Because each time I have tried and plateaued, the resulting whiplash has sent me me not back to where I started, but at an even higher weight. So my fear, which I will readily admit is a fixed mindset and all sorts of the wrong way to look at things, is that if I don’t keep up a steady set of progress this time, the resultant aftershocks could have a finality to any sort of physical capabilities I might currently have. In other words, I don’t know that I could handle the setback. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. If I’m honest with myself, I procrastinate and excuse myself because instead of being able to focus on a future version of myself that is healthier and happier, this ridiculously horrid image of the worst possible outcome presents itself front and center in my minds eye. And it is a stress trigger and resolve drainer.
Now the logical side of me understands that we face these types of barriers when we have a goal for ourselves, especially when they are (no pun intended) large goals. What’s the saying? You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take (believe that’s attributed to Wayne Gretzky). And it’s true. I won’t ever get a healthier me without taking the risk.
Today, I went on a walk. My back started throbbing 4 minutes in. I may have walked a total of 15 minutes (probably less). I think I barely did half a mile in that time which can give insight as to how slowly I found myself needing to move. But honestly, I think that pain and the accompanying frustration is the best thing for me. Because my fear isn’t a 20-30 lb rebound away. It’s already on my doorstep. So I’m going to use my fear to motivate myself to fight back against my fear. I don’t know if that even makes sense. And yes, I will work on the mindset and adjusting my focus because this initial motivation would only last as long as I feel miserable when walking around the block. But for now, I will use its powers against itself.
Also, don’t worry too much about me. I wanted to share this, and I wanted to share it separately from my other post from today. I think it helps me to put things in writing and I hope it helps others to perhaps recognize some common feelings. But I’m good! 🙂
